I wish mom was here so I could tell her my thoughts. Grief is not my friend but sometimes I invite it into my house. Why? I miss you mom, I have so much I want to share with you.
I want to finish writing my eBook and encourage others who have lost someone they love. At the same time, I don’t want to let people walk inside my heart. I’m scared, a little. What would mom say to me?
Maybe if I do a play rehearsal it will comfort my anxiety.
I would start by telling mom about my eBook and how far I’ve come. I would tell her the encouragement I’ve received from other writers and those who follow my articles.
Mom, what do you think? Should I share all this in a book? I’m scared mom, I don’t want to be rejected or ridiculed, but Mom would tell me to take a risk.
“Do your best,” she would say. “Stay confident and be true to yourself.”
Mom would encourage me. She would say she was proud of me and that dad would be proud of me too. Mom would say to go for what makes me happy. She would reassure me of what I’ve accomplished in my life. She would remind me. I remember mom doing that for me.
I miss you mom.
I wish I could talk to you. Sometimes there are days when it all comes back to me. Days when I’m doing well, I’m moving on and I feel good. There are days I don’t think much about the grief, but then something hits me hard. I’m knocked down and the grief comes rushing over me. It pours over me like a thunderstorm. I fall down and can’t get back up. Why does this happen?
I miss you mom.
My heart pours out the anguish of sorrows that I try to hide deep inside me. I don’t want to cry. I’m trying to be strong. I don’t want my children to see me cry. I don’t want my husband to see me cry. I want to be strong. I put a smile on my face but deep inside my heart is weeping, I miss you mom.
This is not where I want to be. I just wish you were still here mom, but you’re gone. When you died, something inside me died too.
I can’t talk to you. I can’t call you anymore. I can’t hear your voice. Mom, oh how I miss you. I pray you’re enjoying your life in heaven. I know one day we’ll see each other again and I’ll be able to tell you about everything. Until then mom, until then, I’ll keep missing you.